so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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