this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
