how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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