Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
