I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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