bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
