I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
