i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
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