Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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