My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
