i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
