hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
