you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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