No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
