I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
COCAINE IS GR8
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
