M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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