All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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