the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
