So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
