I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
