If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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