I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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