nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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