Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
