Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
