I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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