i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
