he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
