Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
