You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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