Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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