I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
