I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
