someone get that fucking seahorse.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
