its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
