After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
