Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I think a kid would responsible me up
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
