I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
