I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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