R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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