its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
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