My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
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