Nicole vs. Life
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
