can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
