3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
