why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
