Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
