Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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