the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
why do cheetos always look like penises
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
