I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I just had sex on a roof
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
