I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
